Why Advice-Giving Often Fails
You’ve probably been there: someone shares a challenge, and you—seeing from the outside—can almost see exactly what they should do next. So you offer advice. You mean well. But how often does your advice actually land? How often is it followed? My guess: rarely (or inconsistently).
The paradox of advice
Advice seems efficient. If I tell you what to do, you skip the struggle. But advice doesn’t work this way in reality. Why?
Because the person giving advice always speaks through their own lens of understanding. No matter how close you are — friend, partner, colleague — you can never fully know the complete picture of someone else’s life situation. You see fragments. They live the whole.
And so your advice, however well-intentioned, may not fit. It may not align with their context, their values, their timing.
When advice fails: the hidden dynamics
Resistance: Being told what to do can cause defensiveness, even if the advice is sound.
Lack of ownership: If the idea doesn’t emerge from within, the commitment to act is weaker.
Context blind: We never hold the whole truth of another’s situation; advice risks missing the subtleties.
Misalignment with identity: Advice may conflict with a person’s self-image, values, or story.
Coaching’s advantage: facilitating discovery
Here’s where coaching is different. In coaching, the insight belongs to the client. The coach holds space, asks questions, reflects, challenges — but the “aha” moment is the client’s own.
And that makes all the difference:
Because they know their full story, they can see what truly applies.
Because they discover it themselves, they own it.
Because it is theirs, they act on it.
Research supports this: experienced coaches refrain from giving directions or advice, instead facilitating insight and ownership — a behavior linked to higher effectiveness and better outcomes (ICF Coaching Behaviors study).
Why this matters
Advice can be useful sometimes — especially if explicitly invited. But transformation rarely comes from being told what to do. It comes from discovering what is right for you, in your unique context.
✨ That’s why I coach. Not to give you my answers, but to help you uncover your own.